Friday
Feb132015

A Short Guide to Tea breaks

The tea break was invented by Maximilian Cunnly-Smythe, a British secret agent, in July 1842 during the siege of Nannopinhinghi as a ruse to distract defenders during the daily 3pm surprise attack demanded by army regulations.

At 'peak tea-break' in 1909 the rotation of the Earth was shown to slow by up to three seconds per day during the British Empire Standard Teatime at 3pm Greenwich Mean Time. BEST was later abandoned after the New Zealand Polite Rebellion of 1911.

The longest report

Wednesday
Feb112015

The History of Tea

According to archeobotanists the first tea plant archaecamillia coprarexians grew one hundred million years ago in the foothills of a now vanished mountain range in what is now rural Essex. We know this because the ground leaves have been found in the fossilised droppings of Tyrannosaurs from that period leading to speculation that those gigantic beasts grazed tea as a latter day domesticated dog might chew grass to ease its digestion.

Later excavations have unearthed tea straining in the middens of Neanderthal settlements in Asturias, The Salzkammergut, Holstein and Reading. Similar traces have been discovered in Homo Sapien villages of the same period, but no later perhaps indicating that Tea drinking did not 'catch on' at its first attempt. Large quantities of semi-fossilized tea has been discovered in old river sediments upstream from Spalding.

Some one hundred thousand years later tea began to be used as an astringent in the earlynpart of the Mung dynasty, later supplanting steeped red panda fur as the ceremonial drink of choice in the time of Emperor Charro the first from whom tea gets its traditional name. Charro is most famous of course for the hundred and one extensions that he commanded be built on to the imperial palace for his wives. His son invented the conservatory and his grand-daughter Lady Charr-Charr invented both the teaspoon and - controversially - dancing.